April 26, 2020

Photo credit: RKTProductions.com #WeAreNotAVirus

Birthday Tape Vibe: I was born in the USA

Sitting in the back of the Lyft, I chattered on about my mom’s nagging. She had heard about some crazy virus on the news. Mom wanted me to stock up a couple weeks of necessities (food, water and so on). Her warnings seemed a little over the top. At this time, COVID-19 was just starting to become news in the U.S. I was on the way to the Houston Rodeo with a friend. The new virus was the furthest thing from my mind. My Lyft driver was from a small town outside of where I grew up. He engaged in conversation throughout the Lyft ride. As I yammered on, he chuckled in the driver seat before saying, ” Well I don’t think you have anything to worry about. I heard it only impacts Asian people.”

My friend stared at me in disbelief. My Lyft driver clearly had no idea he was driving an Asian girl to the rodeo. I politely said, ” You know, I realize that you probably didn’t realize I am Asian from my slight southern twang. I also realize you have been focused on driving, but I want you to know viruses aren’t selective in what race they infect.”

So it began.

Each week, I heard more stories about the impact of Coronavirus on Asian American communities. Asian owned businesses were suffering across the board. People refused to eat in Asia town. Images of empty restaurants circulated various forms of media. My favorite Asian restaurants’ parking lots were empty long before the stay at home orders were put into place. Numerous other Asian owned businesses suffered economically long before the rest of small business owners.

Since COVID-19 began making headlines in the states, my family has experienced an uptick in racially driven confrontations. Mom is an essential worker at a major grocery store chain. A patron decided to push mom’s bakery cart and scream obscenities at her. My brother was grocery shopping and some “Karen” decided to tell him that she thought Chinese people were at fault for this. She told him we need to go back to where we came from. Oh Karen… there’s so much racism in that statement. I can’t even begin to peel apart those statements without being appalled that we even have to address such bigoted comments. Since then, my family and I have moved our shopping to InstaCart. We are protecting ourselves from more than the virus at this point. We are protecting ourselves from hatred and the hate crimes against Asian Americans that are surfacing across America.

This morning, I received a link to an OpEd piece written by John Cho. In the article, Cho makes a bold statement. Asian Americans are being reminded their belonging is conditional. I am sure this statement makes a lot of people extremely uncomfortable. Sadly, I am not uncomfortable with it. I am acknowledging it is true. Since I was a kid, my parents have been preparing me for the day that I would have to face a grim truth: being born in America doesn’t guarantee me fairness and equality.

I remember when my family applied to get our passports. Most families get their passports so they can take family vacations in different countries. Not mine. My dad insisted we get them so we can prove our U.S. citizenship if we were ever asked to leave. I thought his rationale was absurd, and I chocked it up to my dad’s Vietnam War PTSD. How could anyone ever make me leave? I am American. I was born here.

Then things started happening in my life that I couldn’t ignore. Back in 2008, I took a promotion where I moved to a town with less than 1% Asian population. Their overall diversity count was less than 10% total. My parents warned me leaving Houston wasn’t a good idea. They said leaving Texas for the portion of the country I was moving to, was an even worse idea. They said other parts of the country were less accepting. I ignored my parents and sported my rose tinted glasses as I got on the plane, ready for my new adventure. When I got there, I was greeted with a lot of glares. I chocked the glares up to it being a small town. They probably were wondering who this new person was.

Then I began to notice that every time I flew out of the airport, I was selected for special screening. The process didn’t include just a pat down or swabbing my hands. Each time, it included opening my suitcase and rummaging through my stuff. There was never a reason to inspect my suitcase, but they did it anyway. Aside from that town, I have only been selected for special screening maybe a handful of times. To put it in perspective, I have been flying for over 15 years. I was “specially screened” more times in that town than I have been in my totality of flying. Even after a year of living there, the glares didn’t stop. I decided I needed to make a change. I requested a transfer. When my employer refused to transfer me to a new location, I parted ways. I would not accept being racially profiled any longer.

I will spare you a recollection of all the other racial inequalities I have experienced. No matter how bad these experiences were, I continued to refuse that my being American was conditional. With all of the different social movements that have happened even in the last decade, I had faith that our generation was positioned for success much more than my parents’ generation. There had been so much progress in acceptance. There was no way we would revert to a less accepting mentality. Then came COVID-19. This pandemic is more than just a war on our health. It is a war on who we are as a human race.

Some people may not realize that we are fighting more than one war. It is not just a war to slow the spread. It is a war to test how far we have truly come as a nation. We have made progress, but we are still short of the goal. This morning, I posted a snippet of Cho’s article and some of my own commentary on my IG story. Most people will view it, and then they will disregard it. Some people will respond and say they are sorry I am encountering this. Some will even acknowledge it and tell me they would change it if they could.

On the contrary, you can change it. You can stand up for anyone you see being treated unfairly or unequally no matter their race. It takes more than acknowledgement to fix a problem. It takes making it known, peacefully, that there is no place in this world for hate. Put yourself in our shoes. How would you feel if you were told that you were less American because of your skin color? I hope that many of you who read this have never encountered that. While you may have never experienced this personally, you probably know someone who has. They probably have not shared their experiences with you.

We seldom talk about racial issues anymore because we assume it doesn’t exist. How could it? We’re America. We are a melting pot, and we are proud of that. Well if we are truly a melting pot, we will not ignore what is happening to the Asian communities right now. Today’s playlist is inspired by songs that have been anthems for different challenges that require our unity to overcome. The playlist ends with Bruce Springsteen’s Born in the USA. Many people believe this song was written to show our love for our country. It has gained popularity as the ultimate American anthem. Little do people know, it’s a song penned for Vietnam War vets. Springsteen wanted to call attention to the lack of support for returning vets who need help. Springsteen wrote the song to express ” I was born in America, and I deserve more.” I challenge us to take that sentiment one step further. Whether you were born here, we are all American, and we deserve better.

Jan 1, 2020

Birthday tape vibe: in the burning heart

Little do people know, I love Sylvester Stallone movies. I grew up on them. Over the Top, Rambo and most of all Rocky movies. I was crushed when Mickey died in Rocky III. When Apollo decided to fight Drago in Rocky IV, I already knew it wasn’t going to end well.

Rocky IV might be my favorite Rocky movie. There is so much heart in the movie. Rocky moves to Russia and trains the old school way. He vows to avenge Apollo’s death. The scene where Rocky runs across a white terrain of snow is metaphorically what many people said 2019 was like for them. Tough. Uncomfortable. Never ending. Possibly all for nothing.

I might have been guilty of feeling this way, but I woke up this morning on the first day of the new decade, feeling differently. Sure I still feel like it was tough and uncomfortable, but it wasn’t all for nothing. 2019 was my white, snowy terrain. I had to learn how to live a new normal, a life where my dad was here in spirit vs. here physically.

Rocky trained for months for his Christmas Day fight with Ivan Drago. Well folks, 2020 is my Ivan Drago. I am ready to hustle hard this year. I can feel the adrenaline in my blood. I am ready to punch 2020 in the face. I am here to GIT ‘ER DONE.

Today’s playlist is simply two songs from the Rocky IV soundtrack. I get amped up every time I hear Burning Heart. I listened to it on the way into teach my first pilates class for the year. Take a listen, and get pumped up to tackle your Drago.

Dec 21, 2019

Birthday tape vibe: you’ve got a beautiful taste

Everyone has that one person they just can’t let go of. I got to thinking about that tonight. No one is immune to having a soft spot for a past flame.

For the longest time, I held a soft spot for someone I dated over 7 years ago. It took some major life events for me to finally close that door. People say it’s all about timing. They say it’s about where you are in your life and where the other person is in their life. Maybe. I am not convinced that timing impacts as much as we think.

Some things do get better with time like perspective and music. Tonight’s Birthday Tape is dedicated to songs that seem to get better as time goes on. 90s alternative will forever be a soft spot for me. From flannel shirts to MTV Unplugged, this is one blast from the past I will always welcome. Brownie points for anyone who can name the song the lyric “you’ve got a beautiful taste” is from. Hint: The band performed this song in the pouring rain making it one of the most memorable moments of the 90s.

Dec 19, 2019

Birthday tape vibe: whiskey and vocals

I’ve been singing since I can remember. I figured out I had a big voice pretty early on thanks to my dad. It’s just a shame because my voice doesn’t record well, just like how I don’t photograph well. My voice, like many things in life, is better in person.

When I need to destress, I sip on Jamo and belt out a few. I love singing anything that channels the little black person that lives inside me. Blues, gospel, you name it. If it includes belting out notes from the depths of my soul, I love it. Tonight’s play list is mostly “feel it in your soul when you sing.”

There are a couple of oddball songs on the list to keep it interesting. In the first group I ever jammed with, I sang Pat Benatar’s “Heartbreaker,” because it was a fast paced song that mixed up our set. While it’s a fun song, my favorite Benatar song is actually “We Belong.” So that’s what made the playlist.

“I Would Do Anything for Love” by Meatloaf is just hilarious. I made it to the second round of Austin Idols one year. In the first round, I auditioned with a Donna Summer hit, “Last Dance.” I auditioned in front of Bobby Bones before he became a big staple in radio… My friends dared me to go to the second round with the Meatloaf single. I wasn’t bad, but there’s not a lot of vocal showcasing you can do with a song like that. I didn’t advance to the finals, but it was hilarious nonetheless.

Some people have working out, running, or whatever else they do to destress. I have music. Someone once told me “Music takes me places even drugs can’t.” Well, I am the one human that the D.A.R.E. program worked on. I wouldn’t know what that’s like, but music does take me a lot of places I don’t think drugs could. Here’s to a night of whiskey and vocals.

Dec 18, 2019

Birthday tape vibe: for a reason, for a season or for a lifetime

I’e always been told God puts people in our lives for a reason. I’m inclined to believe that. I just sometimes wonder why He’s chosen the ones that have come into my life in the last year. There have been a few good ones, but most of them have been fleeting moments that impacted me more than they should have.

There’s this saying that goes something like this: “There are people that come into your life for a reason, for a season or for a lifetime. It’s up to you to determine how long they come into your life.”

Tonight, I did some spring cleaning. Caitlyn Smith sings, “It’s like venom in my veins.” It sure is. I’ve severed some friendships tonight. Yes, plural with an “s,” but it’s in hope that I am spending time with the people that will be here for a lifetime.

Tonight’s playlist is mostly Caitlyn Smith. I love how her songs are crafted, and even more, I love the emotion in the accompaniment and her vocals. No selfie tonight. Just music.

Nov 27-28, 2019

Birthday tape vibe: what a wonderful world

I once told someone I love Thanksgiving so much that I might actually love it more than Christmas. Thanksgiving has always been my holiday since I can remember. What’s not to love? Good food. Football. Friends and family. This holiday checks all of my boxes, but why do I love it more than Christmas?

I started really thinking about why I love Thanksgiving so much. The food is a plus. My birthday falling around this time is an added bonus. Those aren’t the real reasons I love Thanksgiving. I love this day because it’s when I get to show the people in my life how much I love them in the way I was taught to love.

I grew up in a family where we didn’t show a ton of physical affection. My parents aren’t huggers. Instead, we show love via food. Each year, I take charge of Thanksgiving dinner. While I made our annual feast this year, I realized I make a dish for everyone in my family. Mom loves green bean casserole. Sausage cornbread stuffing and brussel sprouts are for my brother. Dad is the only one who ever ate the pumpkin cheesecake.

I don’t actually make the mac and cheese or mashed potatoes for my baby sister. When she was a kid, I used to come home from college to make Christmas cookies with her. As she’s grown up, Christmas cookies are a thing of the past. Each year for Thanksgiving, she becomes the mac and cheese expert and the master of the mashed potatoes. She and I cook side by side for hours. Our Thanksgiving cooking day has become our new Christmas cookie.

So when I think about why I love Thanksgiving so much, it’s because I get to cook for the people I love most in my life. While much of the country skipped right past Thanksgiving to Christmas, post Halloween, I am going to sit in this holiday for just a bit longer. Today’s Birthday Tape is just a single instead of a full compilation because Thanksgiving deserves to be focused on singularly. Happy Thanksgiving.

Nov 26, 2019

Birthday tape vibe: all good things are wild and free

Henry David Thoreau once wrote “All good things are wild and free.” Thoreau may have been born a Cancer, but he sure did have some Sagittarius in him. He had no idea he would be speaking to my soul centuries later.

I try to leave the country twice a year. It’s a luxury I have been fortunate to experience over the last few years. I use travel to keep things in perspective. Travel makes me realize how happy people are with what they have and the life they live. It also makes me feel extremely grateful for all I have in my life.

I can always tell I’m getting cabin fever when I start to sweat the small stuff. In 2019, I only left the country once. I don’t even know if you would count The Caymans as a true international trip. It’s another beach island. I know. #spoiled.

I shied away from booking any big trips this year. After losing my dad, I have developed a completely irrational fear of venturing too far from my family. My passport is aching for new stamps, and I have been excessively sweating the small stuff. My dad would tell me to go be wild and free. Actually he would just say, “Be free.” 🙂

2019 was probably a much needed reset. My heart needed to be home, and I physically wasn’t home. I hyper focused on getting back home and putting down roots. In 2020, I am back to my gypsy spirit, wanderlust ways. Today’s Birthday Tape is dedicated to the places I have seen and the places I have yet to see. I cheated on my daily photo. Instead of a daily self portrait today, I am posting pics from my world travels. Go big or go home.

Nov 25, 2019

Birthday Tape vibe: I just wanna dance

Most people have no idea I grew up super poor. I’ve gone from being homeless to over a decade of living in a trailer park. I wouldn’t change any of it. Your upbringing shapes who you are. Plus, I couldn’t make up some of the stories that happened in that trailer park.

The trailer park we lived in was set up like a subdivision. I know, sounds fancy. It was tucked away behind a bunch of industrial buildings. See, less fancy than you thought. When you came into the “subdivision,” the road would take you around the neighborhood. All the trailers literally formed a circle around this park. I guess the landlords took the concept of “trailer park” literally.

Growing up, I spent a lot of time outdoors at that park playing with the other kids in the neighborhood. One day, I took my little 4 year old brother with me. Some kid (probably about 6 years old) hit my brother with a stick. My little brother started bleeding. I picked that 6 year old kid up and dropped him in a pile of fire ants. Sounds extreme, but no one messes with my family. Decades later, my little brother still laughs at my protective older sister tendencies.

My brother is one of the most talented people I know. He has an amazing eye for photography (follow him on IG: @heymrasian). He’s got an awesome way of making people laugh. He takes life in one day at a time, and I am just really proud of the human he’s become.

For those who know him well, they know he used to dance on a dance crew. Yes, like an America’s Best Dance Crew kind of dance crew. He’s a badass dancer. One of the first times I saw him perform, his crew danced to The Water Dance. Today’s Birthday Tape goes out to my little brother, one of the most important men in my life. I will always be there to stick your bullies in fire ants. Much love. XOXO.

Nov 24, 2019

Birthday Tape vibe: cover me MTV Unplugged

Growing up, my dad and I sang together a lot. He had such an awesome voice. Vocally, I only got a quarter of that. What I lacked in vocals, I made up for in heart and soul.

I am not much of a songwriter. My lyrics are terrible, and I have yet to find the patience to learn guitar or piano. So I find the emotion in other people’s creations, and I sing my litttle heart out. They say copying someone is the greatest form of flattery. Lots of people should be flattered with the amount of covers I have sang.

I guess the question though, is a cover truly a copy? Today’s Birthday Tape challenges a cover being a copy. Sure the lyrics are the same. The hook is the same, but these covers make you feel like it’s a whole different song. Take a listen, and let me know if you agree.

Nov 23, 2019

Birthday Tape vibe: I want to believe

Brisk Texas mornings make getting out of bed just that much harder. Tack on that it’s Saturday, and it becomes almost impossible. Admittedly, I thought about backing out of packing Thanksgiving baskets. I know. Shame on me. After an hour of wallowing, I made my way to the volunteer event.

When I got there, I was greeted with extreme warmth and lots of people all trying to do some good for the holidays. With Bennie and the Jets playing in the background, we packed baskets full of holiday goodies for a traditional Thanksgiving meal. Over 85 baskets were packed. Not only did we pack baskets, we ended up delivering baskets to the families that needed them today as well.

The whole event was organized by Village Heights Church. Today’s Birthday Tape is dedicated to that church for all the good they did today. Today was a great reminder of how much heart exists in a community. Even on days when it seems like no good exists, it’s still there. You just have to look a little harder for it.